Listen, I have to make a confession. I love Valentine’s Day. Yes, that’s right. I said what I said.
I know it’s a made up Hallmark holiday. You know what else is a made up Hallmark holiday? Mother’s Day. When was the last time you told your mother you couldn’t be bothered acknowledging her because Mother’s Day is a bullshite holiday created by corporate greedy types?
Also, even though it was originally a holiday to celebrate and glorify romantic love, we are long past that, right? From a very young age, weren’t most of taught that the true purpose of Valentine’s Day is to create a really cute and crafty shoe box for your desk and try to accumulate more valentine’s cards than your friends? Also, to eat really terrible candy hearts?
The point is, you can make any holiday your own. Here are some of my most memorable:
For the Singles: House of (Valentine’s) Cards
One year, Netflix dropped season two of House of Cards on Valentine’s Day…a true gift to singles everywhere. This was before Kevin Spacey had revealed himself to be a creeper, when House of Cards was actual event television, when watching an entire series in one sitting was still novel and thrilling, and I admit I was absolutely delighted and it destroyed any dismay I may have felt about being alone on Valentine’s Day. I cooked myself a steak, bought myself some flowers, a box of chocolates, a bottle of wine and MANY assorted, very expensive, cheeses. I spent all night bingeing HOC and made a weekend of it. Well done, Netflix. No BAE needed.
So, how can you create this experience for yourself? Out on Netflix this month:
ALL of the Police Academy movies. Top that.
For the Singles Willing to Venture Out: Broken Hearts Circus
This is an actual thing I did once. Los Angeles really knows how to be there for you on holidays. And, Angel City Brewery REALLY knows how to bring it. Roaming magicians. Wire Walking. Burlesque Show. Stilt Walkers. Snake Charmers. All at a cool brewery with lots of “circus food!” I mean…what more could you possibly desire? How about escaping to a Korean Spa to lie on a bed of hot clay balls and watch Korean soap operas because you were extremely overstimulated?
Find something cool to do and go hang out with all the other singles. Introverts…you only have to commit to an hour and then go straight back to your couch! If you can’t find anything cool, or don’t want to go alone, gather your other single friends and go on an ironic group date to Olive Garden. Delight in their neverending breadsticks and limitless salad. This is your day. Treat yourself.
For the Ones Who Think Valentine’s Day Sucks if You Aren’t In A Relationship: GGBOAT (Greatest Gift Basket of All Time)
This was the year my boyfriend said he wasn’t going to be able to do anything because he had to work that night. Later that evening, I heard a knock on the door and he was standing there holding a GIGANTIC gift basket. There was a copy of a book I had been wanting, the DVD of a movie I loved, a bottle of wine, my favorite candy, a gift certificate to a spa, cute pajamas, a mix CD, and candy stuck into every crevice. There was more. Way too many things to count. It was absolutely bananas and put me on cloud 9 and it completely made up for his not being able to hang out.
Guess what happened, friends! Two weeks later, he broke up with me. In hindsight, what I got was a GUILT basket. I’m thinking he probably didn’t have to work that night and was headed over to some other girl’s house. This is a lesson that even if you get the perfect Valentine’s Day that you have waited all your life for to post all over FB and Insta to make people jealous, it is quite possibly a complete sham.
And YET, with that relationship long in the rearview mirror, I still think about that gift basket. It was divine. If you have to dump someone, I am going to suggest this as a great getaway move. Once they have gotten over hating your stupid guts, they will always remember you as the one responsible for the GGBOAT.
The lesson here? Stop being a hater. Love the one you’re with, especially if that person is YOU. Give yourself the love, the attention, the presents, the breadsticks, the fancy underwear and the honeymoon suite getaway that you wish someone else would give you.
And, spread that love around! Call a friend and let them know how much they mean to you. Leave a note on someone’s car complimenting their awesome parking job. It’s time to reclaim this holiday for yourself. It’s whatever you want it to be.
Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone. Go make your own GGBOAT.