Last week, I set an intention that I would write every day for at least three hours. I quickly reduced that to one hour a day. Then, ten minutes. Still, no words.
I decided I would not allow myself to watch Netflix unless I finished my work for the day. I still didn’t write anything but I didn’t watch Netflix for two weeks.
Somehow, I’ve had the discipline to punish myself for not getting anything done, but not the discipline to get anything done.
Here is what I HAVE done in the last three days:
1. Opened the refrigerator door to see if anything was there even though I have not grocery shopped in two weeks.
2. Contemplated taking a studio art class. No particular reason for this. The last art class I took was in 8th grade.
3. Went to a new coffee shop to get some work done. Bought a chai latte, settled into a cozy nook, and spent my two hours of free wifi on Instagram.
4. Put library books on hold for the book club that I am always on the waiting list for but can never seem to get in to.
5. Attempted to go for a hike, became concerned that my weak knees would not carry me up the hill. Drove home.
6. Spent time foam rolling/stretching/searching for knee braces.
7. Played 79 levels of Candy Crush.
8. Googled rankings of sparkling water. Ordered some Topo Chico because Brene Brown says she loves Topo Chico. *Topo Chico is intense. You’ve been warned!
9. Watched a video of people I didn’t know singing John Denver songs at a birthday party.
10. Started an e-course on establishing good habits.
11. Abandoned e-course on establishing good habits.
12. Googled Six Feet Under: Where Are They Now, Home Improvement: Where Are They Now?, Magnum P.I.: Where Are They Now?, Married With Children: Where Are They Now?….
13. Debated whether I should join an underwear of the month club.
14. Joined an underwear of the month club.
15. Did hours of soul searching on whether I want to spend $6,000 on invisalign to fix one crooked tooth.
16. Started an e-course on social anxiety. Did several lessons before I was scolded by my coach that I was doing too many lessons at once which made me anxious.
17. Abandoned e-course on social anxiety.
18. Pulled up Facebook on my phone even though I was already looking at Facebook on my computer.
19. Opened the refrigerator door again to see if anything had spawned in there since I last stopped by ten minutes earlier.
20. Walked around the park listening to a podcast about being your best creative self.
21. Clicked on a Facebook ad for a dental floss of the month club and spent the next half hour perusing various dental floss plans and packages. Monthly? Weekly? Should I get the “Smile Wide” package or the “Flossing Fiend” package?
Finally, I was standing in the shower (since cleanliness = more productive) and thinking very seriously about the coconut flavored dental floss. I knew I had hit rock bottom and even though no one knew I had done any of this (until now), I was actually embarrassed for myself.
I got out of the shower, sat down, and wrote for three straight hours. It turned out that shaming myself actually worked, for that day anyway.
How about you? Are you a terrible procrastinator? What creative ways have you come up with to get nothing done?
P.S. Cocofloss is great. No one paid me to say this. Just get some and go do something productive.