Self Archives - Urban Introvert

A Unicorn is a Dream Your Heart Makes

Have you ever read The Secret? It was popular in the mid aughts. We’re still calling it that, right? Ok, fine, it was 2006.

The basic gist was that if you wanted something in your life (more money, better job, thighs that don’t rub together), you could manifest it just by visualizing it.

It sounded like a bunch of nonsense and was incredibly popular (Oprah loved it). But, aside from listening to the By the Book podcast ruthlessly making fun of it, I hadn’t thought of it in years.

Until yesterday.

I fell the other day and hurt my ankle. It’s better than the time I broke both feet hiking sixteen miles through a river. It’s worse than the time I broke my toe kayaking, which is not even a sport you use your feet for.

I had been getting by hobbling around on crutches for a day or so when I told my mom what I really needed was a knee scooter.

What’s a knee scooter you ask? It’s just like those scooters the kids zip around on, except there’s a “seat” for your bad leg and you push around with the good one.

It’s a very cool thing to have and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

We went to urgent care where a woman who looked exactly like Helm from Grey’s Anatomy said my foot was still so swollen, they couldn’t read the x-rays. I promptly found a patio with free flowing rum runners to put my mind (and foot) at ease.

When we got up to leave, my mom had gone back for her purse and so it looked like I was by myself. I had not really gotten the hang of the crutches at this point.

Picture a woman who still has “Covid hair,” limping though a fish fry on crutches, very obviously tipsy and in imminent danger of falling right into someone’s plate of mashed potatoes.

Just when I thought I might be in true danger of falling down the two stairs leading to the front door, a woman appeared. The woman had a purple streak in her hair and seemed VERY concerned about me. She looked like she had an aura around her, like a goth angel, but that could have been the rum runners.

She repeatedly asked whether there was anything she and her husband could do for me and I said no, because what could these people POSSIBLY do to make this day any better? Save your do-gooding for someone else, sister. I’m a hot mess and can’t be helped.

And, THEN, as she was nearly out in the parking lot, she turned around and said, “WOULD YOU LIKE A KNEE SCOOTER?”

“It’s got tassels on the handlebars and a pink unicorn head on it and a unicorn basket, but you can easily take those off if that’s not your style.”

I was speechless. Who would remove a pink unicorn head from a scooter?

Anyway, she may as well have offered to drop a new Vespa at my door, that’s how excited I was (nothing gets me going like italian scooters).

She had been looking for someone to donate this scooter to and they brought it to me right there in the parking lot. Now, I’m zipping all over the neighborhood on this thing. And, by neighborhood, I mean back and forth from the bed to the kitchen.

It was a magical moment and I’m still not sure what to make of it.

What about you? Have you ever felt like you brought something into your life exactly when you needed it?

Do You Need All the Baggage You’re Carrying?

A couple of summers ago, I hiked a portion of the John Muir Trail. I spent weeks weighing every item I took to make sure my pack was as light as possible. I debated the necessity of a cup that weighed 2 oz. I bought a 1 oz. tarp/rain jacket to save weight (with mixed results).

I thought I had done a pretty good job. The pack felt manageable on my shoulders. When I was dropped at the trailhead, I plowed down the trail, quite proud of my excellent packing job.

I hiked along like this for a few miles, full of optimism that I would be able to complete this entire trail, that my inability to train due to work commitments, my excess weight I had not had time to lose, and lack of experience were not going to be as limiting as I may have thought.

Then, I came to the bottom of the first mountain pass. I started up the trail and had to stop quickly because I was out of breath. I was struggling. I sat for awhile and then kept going. To get up that pass, I finally had to just count steps. I would try to get to 100 and would stop and rest.

When I finally got to the top of the pass and to my campsite, I felt disoriented, defeated, and despondent. I curled up in my tent and cried from exhaustion. My optimism had given way to absolute dread and a feeling that I had taken on much more than I was capable of. I considered whether I should just go back down the mountain the next day and hitch a ride home.

Instead, I got up the next morning and did a full pack assessment. I took every single thing out of my pack and tried to make a case for why I needed to carry it. I ate my breakfast and felt grateful that there was now less food I would have to carry, and by tonight after lunch and dinner, there would be even less.

I realized there were items I didn’t need as much as I thought, and others I didn’t need at this exact moment. For instance, a pair of gloves and a harness that I needed to hike Half Dome, which was days away from where I was.

At the next campsite, I gifted the items I didn’t need and sent the others back with someone to be mailed to me further down the trail. I didn’t make it all the way to end thanks to an infected cut and a realization that I had hit my limits. But, I made it about 80 miles father than I would have had I not taken stock of what was weighing me down.

WHAT DOES YOUR MOUNTAIN LOOK LIKE?

Every single person is walking through their life with a pack on their back. Some of us are lucky, walking around with packs that feel almost empty. But, for most of us, those packs are heavy, and some of us are being crushed by the weight.

I found myself struggling a lot recently and I realized that I had been carrying an extremely heavy pack for a long time. I was only starting to notice it because I had started trying to climb up mountain. For me, that mountain was starting this site. And now, it’s anxiety surrounding Covid-19 and starting a new job remotely.

Right now, people are facing whole mountain ranges of problems: Unemployment. Isolation. Anxiety. Not being able to see people you care about. Trying to work remotely and also take care of kids.

And along with that, any stress you were already experiencing: a new relationship, new job, new baby, new business, or even a lifestyle change. Quitting smoking, going vegan, working out everyday, eating less sugar, all of these things are mountains in your life in that they are a change from the status quo of how you have been living up to that point.

When I started trying in earnest to work on this blog, I found it nearly impossible, much like getting up that first mountain pass on the trail.

So, I took my “life pack” off my shoulders, dumped everything out and took a hard look at it. Turns out, I was carrying a pretty heavy load that was crushing my spirit.

I had several medical issues I was dealing with, some of which were heavier than others. Like the food I carried on the trail, this will get lighter over time as I work on getting better.

I had several financial issues I was facing, again, some heavier than others. Will get lighter over time, but have to keep carrying for now.

I also was carrying a lot of heaviness concerning both a friendship that went south and a relationship that didn’t work out the way I’d hoped. I didn’t need this. No one asked me to carry it. I was just voluntarily hauling all of it and nearly getting crushed by its weight. What do you do with something that you aren’t quite ready to toss out, but can’t deal with right now?

Bounce Your Issues Down the Trail

On the trail, there are frequently items you don’t need now but may need later in your trip. This could be food, clothing, or technical equipment. To get the weight off your back, you can put these items in a “bounce box,” and it will be waiting for you at some point further down the trail. When you get to the location, you can go through and decide then whether you need those items. It might feel like you are just postponing or procrastinating. But, what you are actually doing is prioritizing.

I pulled all of the heaviness I was feeling about these people in my life, put it in a box and “mailed” it to myself three months down the trail. I made a note in my calendar on a date three months in the future: “Think about what you want to do about X. Think about doing nothing at all. Whatever you do, take care of yourself first.”

Then, I looked at every item that had to back in the pack. Work issues, medical issues, financial issues. I picked each of them up, one by one and asked myself, “How can I make this lighter?”

I looked at every other thing happening in my life that might be slowing me down. On the trail, these things were blisters, excess body weight, and headaches. On my life trail, they were lack of sleep, alcohol, and lack of energy.

Ask yourself right now if you are comfortable with the load you are carrying. Dump everything out on the table and take a hard look.

Do you need it? Do you REALLY need it? Can you throw it out? If not, can you bounce it down the road a few weeks until you have the mental bandwidth to take another look?

I promise there is something in your pack that is best left on the side of the trail. Tossing it might be the difference between you making it to the end of whatever trail you’re on and curled in a fetal position sobbing in a tent.

Album Meditations: How (Intentional) Listening to Music Can Calm You Down

The idea behind album meditations is simple. You will listen to an album, all the way through in one sitting while doing nothing else. The practice of it, however, is not simple at all. When was the last time you sat still and single tasked for 30-60 minutes?

If this is your first time attempting an album meditation, please read this entire post so you can get a solid overview of what it’s about. For those who need a refresher or are in a hurry, let’s dispense with the basic instructions up top.

Album Meditations: Basic Rules

Set aside 30 minutes to an hour. Think of this as a class you will be attending.
Choose an album. It can be an actual physical album, or something on Spotify. But, it has to be an actual full length album, not a playlist. Each week, I’ll announce the album meditation that I’ll be doing and I encourage you to choose that one of course. But, any album is fine.
Find a spot to lie down or sit. Bed, couch, chair, beanbag, hammock, the side of a mountain…wherever you feel comfortable is fine.
You are not allowed to multitask. Again, think of this as a class. Your phone should be out of reach. TV turned off. No housecleaning. No homework.
You can eat and/or drink while you listen, but no going back and forth to the kitchen.
No song skipping. If you feel like a full length album is too much for you at first, or you can’t set aside that much time, feel free to end your meditation early. But, start at the beginning and try to end at the end of a song. No skipping!

Frequently Asked Questions

What is the purpose of this?

Think of Album Meditations as a mindfulness exercise. In today’s society, the length of an album is a long time to sit still doing only one thing. There is a certain amount of discomfort involved in just allowing something to wash over you without stopping early out of boredom or because you don’t like it.

Why is it called Album Meditations if it’s a mindfulness exercise?

Because, Album Mindfulness Exercise doesn’t really roll off the tongue.

What type of album should I choose?

Listening to the album selected by me for the week is the best choice for a few reasons. One, it takes the choice out of your hands and frees your mind to just focus on the actual meditation. Two, you will be able to discuss the meditation with everyone else since we will all be listening to the same thing.

But, what if I don’t like the chosen album, or think I won’t like it?

Don’t throw tomatoes at me, but loving the chosen album isn’t the point. I would actually say that the best album is one you have never listened to at all since you won’t have as many preconceived notions about it. If you have listened to an album all the way through and absolutely know that you hate it, then maybe sit through it again and make note of exactly what it is you don’t like. Usually though, people have heard a couple of songs from an album and think they don’t like it. The entire point is to open your mind and trust the process.

Listen, I have trust issues and want to choose my own album.

Sigh. Alright then. The album you choose depends on the experience you would like to have. If you are doing a mindfulness exercise, then the album you choose can be anything. Is there something your friends have raved about? One that appears on every best albums of all time list but you’ve never listened all the way through? Now is your chance! If you are looking for something chill and actually “meditative,” nothing beats Enya. The important thing is to give yourself no more than 15 minutes to choose something. Falling down a music rabbit hole (ahem) is counter productive here.

Can I do Album Meditations with someone else or do I have to do it alone?

Yes, of course! The key here is to make sure you are both doing the exercise. If you start pausing the music to catch up on what you did last weekend, then you are no longer doing an album meditation.

There are two ways to go about this with someone else. One is that both of you sit in silence, listening to the album together and discuss at the end (arguably, the most meditative).

The other (and way more fun) way is to discuss the album as you go. For example, when I was in college, my roommate and I would listen to The Eagles Greatest Hits and then mockingly act like we were being tortured whenever “Witchy Woman” played. Do whatever is most fun for you.

Can I really not do ANYTHING else while I’m doing this? I want to tweet my feelings about this song!

No tweeting. No facebooking. No texting. You can do this! Here is what I would encourage though. Especially when you first start album meditations, keep a notebook or piece of paper next to you for notes. Feel free to jot down anything that comes to mind. If you really like a song and want to remember what track it was, write it down. If you feel like quitting, write it down. If you have an uncontrolable urge to skip to the song you really want to hear, write it down! Make note especially of when you feel any kind of discomfort or resistance. These notes will be helpful to you in subsequent sessions!

Also, you can compare notes with everyone else ( another good reason to do the chosen meditation each week).

Where did you get the idea for album meditations?

Believe it or not, this is how people used to listen to music. Partially, this was due to laziness since skipping a track meant having to get up out of your seat.

A few years ago, I realized that although sitting around listening to albums while sitting on the couch drinking wine was something I used to do ALL the time, I could not recall the last time I had actually done it. So, I endeavored to pick up the practice again.

Then, more recently, there was a pop up group in Hollywood that rented out a church, had everyone bring their yoga mats, while for an hour as hundreds of people lay silently, the entire Purple Rain album played.

Can you imagine? We can’t all be together in the same space. But, we CAN all lie silently in our own homes at the same time, or at least on the same day, and experience the same album together. That’s what album meditations is all about.

If you have an album you’d like to suggest for Album Meditations or have any other questions, shoot me an email at melody@urbanintrovert.com or reach out via the contact page!